“ I need to be a celebrity ho. Start hanging around them take their used condoms and squirt it inside me and hang upside down to make sure it really gets in there good and deep.
Google Chat with unnamed future Celebrity Baby Mama
Put Your Panties On! And Other Pearls of Wisdom
“ A) You’re gross & nasty
B) You took my tampon out with your teeth.
I don’t want to be your friend on Facebook. One of us said this. Not telling who.
B) You took my tampon out with your teeth.
I don’t want to be your friend on Facebook. One of us said this. Not telling who.
Don't screw the litter
It’s like Don’t Name the Puppy, but it applies to groups.
decrypting messages from men
works is crazy this week, let’s touch base next week: means I’m not interested, no one puts their work before sex.
me 2 - response given when texted: I had a great time last night: means we’re not having sex again.
did you want to meet up for a quick drink after work?: means will you blow me in the restroom at Ulysses and then I’m gonna meet my buddies for beer pong.
no worries - response given to:can’t tonight, but hopefully soon: means I’m not bitter but I’m going to fuck the first person that will let me so I can prove to myself that I’m not that into you anyways.
haha. dead fuckin on.
best game ever
- Me: If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be?
- Him: A Kitchen Aid Mixer because I get to put my naughty bits in sweet things :) You?
- Me: A fondue pot. Everyone wants to take a dip.
- Him: Mmm, saucy.
- Me: Mixers are advertised as having "7 turbo speeds and comfortable handle design." So true.
Yep, we've been drinking
- Laura: ...and i wanted to be like um if you followed my direction your job wouldn't be hard
- Khaliah: hmm...he's lazy...vibrators make everything so nice
- Laura: yeah, i know!
- i thought dudes were supposed to be open to vibrators
- you know, eventually
- me: Unless they're french....But its true vibrators come much later...unless he's french
. . . unless you never want to see him again.
- Khaliah: I just texted [redacted] to see if I was driving. He said "I'm buying dinner either way."
- Laura: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HE LOVES YOU! Don't sleep with him.
Two Girls Escaping Reality
- Khaliah: Why doesn't [redacted] get his act together? It would be perfect if he just got it together.
- Angel: I'm in love with a boxer.
that's what she said
- K: (to [redacted]) You're the only man I want to fuck.
- [Redacted]: That's not true.
- K: La, who's the only man I want to fuck?
- La: [Redacted].
Entrapment Baby*
Def,:
A baby created with the intention of tying down a wayward boyfriend/lover. Said baby can be achieved by neglecting to take your birth control and then encouraging you significant of to forget about condoms or poking holes in condom or a combination of those two methods to ensure conception occurs.
* Once entrapment baby is born it will be hard to give it away also it might have the opposite effect on your boyfriend/significant other. Use caution when applying this method.
Example: A’s boyfriend was going to leave the country so she decided to stop taking her birth control and get herself an entrapment baby. “An entrapment baby would definitely keep him close to home,” she thought as she flushed her pills down the toilet.
